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At first, conversation flowed—we talked careers, food, travel, friends, family. And then things just started to… careen. Each time, he had a rebuttal that probably sounded cleverer in his head.

And each time, it was laced with condescension. As flings and for flirting, sure. As friends and confidants, absolutely.

He just happened to be my tipping point. And I do date, both men of colour and white men.

The fact is, all of these things are pieces of my cultural baggage, which is something many of the women and men of colour I know also. When do you tell them? How much do you tell them?

Can it even work? Healthy relationships require a mutual give and take, and mdn for empathy. But in my experience, dating a white guy often leads to an automatic imbalance.

Laying down my baggage, then, takes trust and vulnerability, especially with the risk of being misunderstood. These are points of possible tension. Yes, some men are open, kind.

Sure, relationships are work and naturally, dating is. Sign up. There is no right choice, but there certainly seems to be an easier one. Filed under: Personal Essay Single Ladies.

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